


The Boy I Used To Know

by DaryanCrescend



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Light Angst, Love is hard, M/M, based on things we found out in monochrome checkmate, izuleo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaryanCrescend/pseuds/DaryanCrescend
Summary: Izumi had thought things would change when Leo came back, maybe they'd go back to how they used to be, maybe he'd feel less like somebody had ripped a hole in his chest, but he doesn't.aka love is hard and feelings are difficult but Leo is back and Izumi has to find a way to cope with that.





	The Boy I Used To Know

**Author's Note:**

> This thing started as a relationship study and just kinda... ran away with me. Heavily influenced by things we found out in Monochrome Checkmate. Written mostly while listening to Waves by Dean Lewis (which is a really good IzuLeo song). I just want to see my boys find a way to be happy.

They're beaten. It's over. Leo bolts the moment they step off stage.

Izumi hesitates.

Maybe people only love him for his songs, that's the way the world is, after all.

But it isn't true, Izumi loves him because he's Leo, because he's silly and fun and he calls him beautiful and means it, unlike all the hollow words from people who only see the surface.

"Ousama!" He yells down the corridor and breaks into a run, rules be damned.

He gets all the way to the doors and still can't see him. "Ousama!" The night doesn't reply. He takes the steps two at a time, running through the empty grounds to the gate. The street is empty. "Leo!"

The walls crumble, defences breached, the kingdom burns, the king is gone.

-

Izumi had thought things would change when Leo came back, maybe they'd go back to how they used to be, maybe he'd feel less like somebody had ripped a hole in his chest, but he doesn't. Leo isn't even really back, he just comes and goes as he pleases as usual, he skips classes and practice with no warning or apology, his smile is sharper, his humour darker and his laugh isn't the same and Izumi finds himself wishing that he hadn't bothered to come back at all.

He's lying on one of the practice mats staring at the ceiling, he knows he should go home but can't face lying to his parents that he's had a good day when he hasn't.

There's the shuffling tap of socks on the mats and a soft thud as Leo flops down beside him. "Sena?"

Izumi continues staring at the ceiling, "Ousama?"

"What are you thinking about?" Leo's fingers brush against Izumi's bare arm.

"Nothing interesting," Izumi lies, he doesn't want to talk about it, especially not to this shadow of Leo.

Leo shifts and lies down next to him. "I think everything you think about is interesting."

"Just practice today, it's not important," Izumi replies, waving a hand. "You should come sometime."

"Sena?" Leo asks after what feels like hours, "Do you like me?"

"Do you mean it when you say you love me?" Izumi asks, avoiding Leo's question.

"You can't just answer a question with another question," Leo replies jabbing Izumi in the ribs with his elbow.

A glance over and Izumi sees the smug smile from turning his own often used words against him dancing on Leo's lips. "Well you say you love a lot of things."

"Because I do," Leo replies rolling on to his side and touching Izumi's arms with the tips of his fingers, "Do you like me?"

Izumi's heart beats I love you, I love you, I love you but it comes out as, "You're so annoying."

"Well you say a lot of things are annoying," Leo quips back at him, laughing softly.

"Proving my point," Izumi sighs but knows he deserves it.

"I guess we're both awful then," Leo replies with a humourless chuckle, pulling his hand back. "Are you ever going to answer my question?"

Izumi thinks about it, the obvious answer is 'yes' because they're friends, or at least they were, but it's more complicated than that and what if they've come too far to save it now? He knows he should have said it a year ago, when the most complicated thing about it was them both being boys and him being in the middle of a massive sexuality crisis, and if that seems like nothing compared to this then maybe they are too far gone.

"Sena?" Leo is frowning as Izumi almost loses himself in thought.

"Maybe," Izumi replies finally, "you're just not asking the right question."

"What is the right question?" Leo asks with a hint of sadness colouring his tone.

Izumi sighs deeply and hoists himself up off the floor, "you'll get it eventually, if you're not too stupid."

-

Izumi doesn't want to talk about it, he actually doesn't want to think about it either but now Leo is back and he can't stop. Leo used to be softer and he knows it's all his fault, his dreams that hardened Leo, his ruthlessness and the way he couldn't admit how he felt, it's his fault that it ended up too late and past the point where Leo would believe him, he'd just wanted them to shine and instead they'd ended up tarnished and broken.

Leo turns up at practice, as Izumi has said he should but he ignores the commotion about it in favour of stretches and maybe his disinterest is dishonest, he's secretly pleased that Leo listened to him after all, but saying it feels like an insurmountable challenge so he doesn't bother.

It's the worst practice they've had since the early days, nobody is in sync. Arashi and Leo manage to not only collide but fall over each other, and Izumi doesn't join in when everybody laughs, even though part of him wants to. Instead he just sighs deeply and tells them to try again, earning himself a worried glance from Tsukasa because their leader is back now and he doesn't know that Izumi has always led dance practice.

He ends the practice sweaty and irritable but volunteers to tidy the practice room before leaving anyway, he doesn't really want to be part of an idle chat in the showers and Arashi has sent one too many meaningful glances his way to want to risk a talk.

He's halfway through hauling the mats to one side when the door clicks and if it's Arashi he's fully prepared to tell them to fuck off and that he has to shower but it isn't, it's Leo. "What do you want?" 

"I thought about what you said," Leo says throwing himself down on to a chair. "Are we friends?"

Are they? Izumi used to know but now he's not so sure. "If you still want to be." 

Leo sighs picking up a pen and doodling something on his hand. "Was that the right question?"

It wasn't but Izumi could say yes and avoid him ever asking the one he doesn't want to be asked. "Not quite, but do you still want to be my friend?"

Leo puts the pen in his mouth and chews it thoughtfully before getting out of his seat and wandering over, "of course I want to be your friend, Sena," he replies, reaching out a hand and touching Izumi's arm.

Leo's hair is still wet and sticking to his face, without thinking Izumi reaches up and brushes a piece back. "You'll get sick if you don't dry your hair," he says over the thundering of his heart.

Leo laughs, and it's almost like old times, almost, and Izumi wonders if he'll ever get the question right or even still wants to hear the answer, if he'll believe it when he hears and what he can do to make him believe, but he doesn't know so he lets the hand on Leo's face fall back down to his side.

"I'm going to go shower, you should listen to me and dry your hair properly," Izumi says after shoving the last mat into place. "And keep coming to practice, we need to all learn how to work together again."

-

But Leo doesn't come back the next week, not even once.

"What did you say to him?" Arashi asks on Friday, tone accusatory.

"That he should keep coming back because we need to learn how to work as the five of us." Izumi snaps, because he's had enough and he's pissed off and he's been trying so hard to keep them all together and be something Leo wants to come back to but he's failed at that too. Because Leo still isn't back, and because he's left. Again.

"And you put it like that? Not..." Arashi trails off with a wave of their hand.

"No I wasn't rude, and I didn't tell him that if he's not willing to put the effort in he can just leave!" Izumi snaps, "next time I'm going to, if he doesn't want to be here then he should just say and quit because I'm sick of hanging around waiting," and he hates how his voice cracks on the last words and he hates that now he knows how Leo must have felt waiting for him to answer the question honestly.

Arashi fiddles with the hem of their blazer, looking anywhere but at Izumi and he hates this too, because he did this, every single bad thing comes back to his refusal to answer that one question and how that was turned against Leo in the worst possible way.

"Maybe he's just sore it went badly when he was here and he'll like..." Arashi waves a hand in a gesture that fakes nonchalance, "Come back next week like "I wrote a new song and it's called 'why won't Sena admit he wants me back in Knights or be nice?'" or something." 

Izumi isn't sure if he's glad Arashi manages to dodge the chair he throws or not.

-

Leo does as Arashi predicted and bounds in on Monday to inform them he's made them a new song, though it thankfully isn't called anything rude like Arashi had prophesied, Izumi isn't sure if he glad or irritated but listens as Leo plays them the song, it's more melancholy than their older work, but beautiful nonetheless.

Practice isn't exactly smooth but slowly over the course of the next few weeks they fall back into place, voices synchronise, people stop bumping into each other or ending up too close or too far apart creating awkward gaps in the spacing.

Izumi keeps expecting Leo to ask another question but maybe he's satisfied with being friends, maybe Izumi is too, it's nice to be able to sit after practice, long into the hours where they'll get told of for still being in school, writing new material, choreographing new dances and learning to be in each other's company again.

It's one of these nights, after they've been kicked out, while unwilling to be finished with the song they're working on, that they make their way back to Izumi's house.

They haven't been in his room together in what feels like forever and Leo straight up forgets that they're supposed to be writing, instead he begins snooping as Izumi flops into his desk chair and opens the laptop with every intention of continuing until Leo remembers the purpose of the impromptu sleepover.

"I thought you'd have ripped all of these down," Leo muses and Izumi spins the desk chair around to see what he's looking at. It's the board of polaroids and printed photos, most of them are of Knights, though there are a few older ones of him and Makoto from when they were still friends. The ones Leo is focused on are the ones of the both of them, a range of selfies and candids taken over first and second year.

"I always intended to redo it," Izumi admits, embarrassed to note the raw edge in his voice, "but it was too much hassle."

He's caught up in staring at the way Leo is resting his fingers on one of the photos when Leo finally asks a new question, "do you love me?"

Izumi freezes. Does he? He thinks so, he's thought this new Leo wasn't the person he fell for but he is, he's just a more grown up version, and sure he's jaded but Izumi is too. "The way you love everything or more than that?"

Leo contemplates it for a while and shrugs, "Both? Either?"

There's a lump in Izumi's throat and his mouth has gone dry, "Yes."

Leo doesn't turn around, going completely still, "Which one?" He almost whispers.

Izumi's heart pounds, he can feel a wave of clammy nausea sweeping through his body, he wants to chicken out but it wouldn't be fair, not after everything they've been through, all of the pain and denial has lead to this moment and he can't fuck it up this time, it's now or never and he's terrified that either answer will result in losing Leo again when he's only just begun to get him back. "The second one," he chokes.

A vast silence fills the room and he thinks 'this is it, I've ruined everything' because who would want somebody like him, somebody broken and bitter, all rough edges and snark, to love them? He can't stand it. Tears well in his eyes before he can stop them and the voice screaming 'run' becomes deafening.

Leo turns and his eyes are glistening too, he's visibly shaking, "Say it," he begs, "Sena, please..."

"Ousama... Leo, I..." 'can't' threatens to be the next word spilling from his lips but he swallows it, "I love you."

By the time he's gotten his legs to cooperate enough to stand Leo has gotten across the room and he thinks for a second he's about to get punched and he'd deserve it, oh he'd deserve it, but instead Leo grabs the collar of his shirt and pulls him into a messy kiss.

He should have done this months ago. He entangles his fingers in Leo's hair, pulling it free of its ponytail. His face is wet and he's not sure which of them is crying, he wouldn't be surprised if it was both. His heart is trying to break his ribs but he never wants to let go, still he pulls back enough to press their noses together and say it again, "I love you."

Leo is definitely crying too, one hand still clinging to Izumi's collar, the other arm wrapped around his waist pulling their bodies flush together. "I love you too," he replies before pulling Izumi back in.

-

Sunlight spills through the gaps in the curtains illuminating the room, Izumi rolls over and the bed is empty. It shouldn't be, not after they had fallen asleep in a tangle of limbs. Sickening panic sweeps though his veins turning them to ice and anxiety settles like a stone on his chest. Leo has gone again, after everything, after the previous, perfect night he's gotten up and left. Izumi should have expected this, he forces himself to sit, reflexively pulling the sheets around his naked body, he's so stupid, stupid to think they could possibly fix it, stupid for opening his heart to somebody who already broke it once.

The bathroom door swings open and Leo emerges in a cloud of steam, dripping wet and wrapped in a towel, "good morning," he says with a smile that falters when he sees the look on Izumi's face, "Sena?"

Izumi is torn between making an acidic defensive comment or being honest, but he fights the desire to lash out and instead mutters, "you weren't here so I panicked..."

Leo makes his way back to the bed and slides on to it beside Izumi, reaching a tentative hand out to touch his. "I'm sorry, you just looked so peaceful and beautiful," he sighs, "I didn't want to disturb you."

Taking a deep breath Izumi entwines their fingers, "no, I'm sorry, I should..." he shrugs, "I should trust you." It's just hard, and for that moment he hadn't been able to control the fear that Leo could decide it's not enough and leave again.

"Sena," Leo says quietly, "I'm not going to leave you again, not now I have you." He leans forward and plants a kiss on Izumi's forehead.

Izumi responds by pulling him in to a proper kiss that could so easily turn in to more but he has to pull away, "I have to shower and we don't want to be late for school."

-

"I'm glad you two sorted things out," Arashi comments as they haul the mats back into a pile at the end of the week.

Izumi smiles, it has been better, and all the secretive kisses and waking up to a text that says 'good morning, I love you~' every morning has definitely helped. Sure they're not perfect and there are times when Leo is late and the panic that he's not going to come back has tried to creep in, but they're healing and they're working on it, and that's the most he can ask for. "Yeah," he replies, "me too," and he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it please let me know, I haven't written and actually uploaded anything non-smutty in ages and even when I do I wimp out and take it down usually, but I won't with this one, I'm rather proud of it. Also I don't have a beta so if there's a mistake please feel free to shoot me a message and I'll fix it, or if any words are the wrong one because I wrote it on my phone and autocorrect is a rudebag, I know it can make people enjoy a story less.  
> You're also welcome to join me crying about Knights on my twitter; @princesshawke


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